Trust the Process
So, this was a very difficult word for me to use. I trust you....well....no I don't deep down inside, that is what I always felt. I trusted no-one and that stems from a pretty traumatic childhood. I could barely trust myself. I realized this once I started doing a lot of inner child and shadow work. People have hurt me and I have hurt myself, so yeah no trust there. My body and mind remember this. Every time a similar situation comes up, I relive the past. I made a bad decision and this happened, I chose this person and he hurt me bad. Why would I trust myself, when 3/4 of my decisions have landed me in terrible situations. Would you trust someone who kept giving you bad advice? Now at age 55, do I even know what the hell I'm doing? Nope, not a clue.
I read a lot of self help books, spiritual books, lost a lot of loves ones. I would always hear trust the process. What the F#*% does that even mean??? Trust the process. How does losing a loved one, being cheated on, left to be a single parent, hitting rock bottom with no place to live, picking up the pieces of your children when they are making poor choices? How do you trust that shit?? hmmmm. So yeah I had a really hard time with that saying for the longest time. I would go hang out with people, only to think maybe they were talking about me behind my back, or no-one ever had my best interested at heart, they were always out to take something from me. It was a struggle. Always "sleeping with one eye open". Exhausting to say the least.
Well then, something inside me finally clicked. Maybe it was all those books that I have read finally were sinking in!! I was meditating one day and I completely got it. Trust, hand it over, give it to God (spirit, Buddha, mother Gaia whomever resinates with you) I had to trust!! Ok so what did that look like. Well, I lost a friend. She wasn't who I thought she was, nor did she want to work on the same things I did. I was really upset when she chose to walk away from our relationship after I poured my heart out and told her my truths and what I wanted from our friendship. It was really hard for me to do. I don't like confrontation and I don't like to say things that my hurt someones feelings (especially when I know that they are a sensitive being) but this friendship had turned into something that was not right for me anymore. I fought with myself about, did I do the right thing? Was I being selfish? Why was she doing this to me? the list goes on and on. I got angry, I got sad, I got jealous. I went through every emotion I think we have over this. But I now realize, this had to happen. This was one of the best things to happen me. Our friendship was holding me back on so many levels. I was learning to trust my intuition and I was feeling that things were way off with us. There was competition, secrets and jealousy, I didn't want to be in that place anymore. I wanted to vibrate at a higher frequency. I want to love and cherish the people that I am around. I want to be with other healers and light workers that lift each other up and help each other. I am in a much better place in my life now, because I trusted my intuition and I spoke up for me. If I had never spoken my piece, I may have still been on that same lower vibration frequency.
The second thing that spun me around was, I had a job that paid pretty good money, I was really sick of it, but the money was good. I had to drive quit a ways to get there, it took up a lot of my time. I couldn't get rid of this job, what would I do to replace this income. Well, I thought long and hard about it. It was making me miserable, so I used my new mantra and I GAVE IT TO GOD. The next day I sent my letter of resignation to them. I gave them 2 weeks and I was done!! It felt AMAZING... But I didn't know how or when I was going to replace that money but I knew that job had to go. Well low and behold, I got a couple regular clients for AromaTouch. They LOVE it so much that they decided to book an appointment with me every other week!!! BAMM...that replaced my job that I just quit. See we have to weed out what does not serve us anymore and the Universe replaces it with what does service us for our highest good!!
I have so many more stories too, but I will not bore you with them. The point is I am a true believer now in "Trust the Process". You may not know how or why but good things will come to you. We have all made soul contracts with one another. We chose to be here. Good, bad or otherwise. Its all a learning experience and we have to trust that those learning experiences are what we need to help us grow. Its there for a reason. They say the best healers have the worse pasts. It may be so, because in our trauma we can feel the true pain and suffering of other people and we truly in our heart of hearts want to help these people to turn their lives around and to love themself. I hope this helps. Remember GIVE IT TO ............ (you fill in the blank)
Much love....Michele